Today we have brought some such Funny Quotes in this post, which will make you laugh after reading. Friends, everyone’s life is full of stress, every person wants to spend some moments with laughter and fun. Laughter is also very important for health. Every doctor advises his patient to be happy. Friends, it doesn’t cost money to laugh, so laugh yourself and make others laugh too, today we have brought some funny quotes for you in this article, so let us know that if you like this post of ours, then definitely share it. We hope you enjoy our post.
10 Short Funny and Logical Quotes
- Don’t take life too seriously. You will never get out of this alive.
- I refuse to join any club that would keep me as a member.
- Always remember that you are absolutely unique. just like everyone else.
- People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do know.
- I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I’ll be sober and you’ll still be ugly.
- Behind every great man there is a hand of a woman who closes her eyes.
- It takes considerable wisdom just to realize the extent of one’s own ignorance.
- Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
- Common sense is the accumulation of prejudices acquired by the age of eighteen.
- Words have great power, if you don’t word too many of them together.
We are all here on earth to help others; I don’t know what others are here because I don’t know. -W.H. Auden
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… and try to find someone whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. -Ron White
It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens every day in the world always fits right into the newspapers. -Jerry Seinfeld
If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll regret tomorrow morning, sleep late. -Henny Youngman
This is my only goal. Surround yourself with funny people, and make sure everyone is having a good time and working hard. -Joe Rogan
If I knew for certain that a man was coming into my house with the intention of doing me good, I should run for my life. -Henry David Thoreau
I always wanted to be something, but now I realize that I should have been more specific. -Lily Tomlin
A successful man is one who earns more money than his wife’s ability. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. -Lana Turner
Of course, the trouble with an open mind is that people will insist on coming along and trying to shove things into it. -Terry Pratchett
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was in her sixties. She is now ninety-seven, and we do not know where she is. -Ellen Degeneres
I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the military does with those red knives. -Billy Connolly
I was eating at a Chinese restaurant in town. There was a dish called Mother and Child Reunion. It’s the chicken and the egg. And I said I have to use that. -Paul Simon
Society is like a stew. If you do not stir it in between, a layer of scum starts floating on top. -Edward Abbey
Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem. -Bill Vaughan
I understand that the human mind is basically like an empty attic, and you need to stock it with the furniture you like. -Arthur Conan Doyle
The best measure of a man’s honesty is not his income tax return. That’s zero adjustments on their bathroom scale. -Arthur C. Clarke
The reason there are two senators for each state is so that there can be a designated driver. -Jay Leno
Men are liars. If we have to lie, we will lie. I’m an algebra liar. I guess two good lies make a positive. -Tim Allen
We owe the Middle Ages two of humanity’s worst inventions – romantic love and gunpowder. -Andre Maurois
Older people shouldn’t be eating the healthiest food, they need all the preservatives they can get. -Robert Orben
You can always tell when a man is well-informed. His views are very similar to yours. -H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple in value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’ -Claude Pepper
My wife has some difficulty in speaking. Every now and then she stops to take a breath. –Jimmy Durante
Christopher Columbus, as everyone knows, is revered by posterity because he was the last person to discover America. -James Joyce
I’m going to marry a Jewish woman because I love the idea of getting up on a Sunday morning to go to the deli. -Michael J. Fox
I’m the only man in the world with a marriage license to whom this can relate. -Mickey Rooney
The day I made that statement about the invention of the Internet, I was tired because I had been up all night inventing the camcorder. -Al Gore
Read: Quotes of Famous Philosophers
Thought of The Day for Life
Positive Attitude Quotes
Today Funny Quotes – Hilarious
“Before you criticize someone, you must walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” -Jack Handy
“Clothes become the identity of a man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.” -Mark Twain
“Before you marry a person, you must first give them access to a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.” -Will Ferrell
“I love being married. It’s so nice to know that one special someone you want to haunt for the rest of your life.” -Rita Rudner
“When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ It’s just a formality. It doesn’t matter whether you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” -Erma Bombeck
“I want my kids to have everything I can’t afford. Then I want to be with them.” -Phyllis Diller
“Never follow someone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then, by all means, follow that path.” -Ellen Degeneres
“Breaking up is like knocking over the coke machine. You cannot do it in one fell swoop; You have to shake it back and forth a few times, and then it’s over.” -Jerry
“Never criticize the mistakes of your spouse; If they weren’t there, perhaps your partner would have found someone better than you.” -Jay Trachman
“Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and get her a house.” -Rod Stewart
“Adults always ask children what they want to be when they grow up because they are looking for ideas.” -Paula Poundstone
“Somebody asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.'” -Steven Wright
“You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re warned to slow down by your doctor instead of the police.” -Joan Rivers
“An ideal parent is someone who has excellent child-rearing principles and no actual children.” -Dave Barry
“Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle when the seat is missing, but it hurts.” -Lt. Frank Drebin
“My mama says alligators are ornamental because they have all their teeth and no toothbrush.” -Bobby Boucher
“I never feel so alone when I’m trying to apply sunscreen to my back.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“If you’re not yelling at your kids, you’re not spending enough time with them.” -Reese Witherspoon
“There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: Babe, District Attorney, and Driving Miss Daisy.” -Alice
“Kids are expensive, I didn’t even realize how broke I was until last year someone stole my identity and it ruined my life.” – Kate Davis
“If I wake up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I won’t be surprised anymore.” -Clark Griswold
“The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.” -Clary Belcher
“A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be tempted by a bargain.” -Graham Norton
“Here’s what you need to know about men and women: Women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is because men are stupid.” -George Carlin
“Three things happen as you get older. The first is your memory goes away, and I can’t remember the other two.” -Sir Norman Wisdom
“I want my kids to have everything I can’t afford. Then I want to be with them.” -Phyllis Diller
“Here’s some advice: In job interviews, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent. Unless the job is a statistician.” -Adam Groopman
Friends, I hope you have enjoyed reading funny jokes.